May 27, 2004

WINSTON-SALEM, NC — Chris Lashley, a member from 2002, is already lashing out at the tournament officials.  The Macho Stallion from Rocky Mount is surprisingly happy with his points, however very concerned about other players in the field.

"My points look much better considering my recent play", said Lashley.  "But I was looking at Brandon Hunter's as his points are right above mine.  What's going on with him getting a point for a double bogey?  He also gets more points than me for a birdie and eagle.  I think these points are screwed up."

Brandon Hunter's points are currently set at 1,1,2,9 starting with 1 for double bogey.  Don Creighton was contacted immediately through the business office for a quick press conference to calm the fears surrounding NOOG points.

"I am very excited to see the passion for the Golden Jacket", said Creighton.  "I am however quite surprised that players are talking about others and not the treacherous Tanglewood Park.  This course demands a tremendous focus.  Chris of all players should know this after playing Tanglewood and seeing the focus required in the 2002 major championship."

Chris Lashley is playing in his second major and played Tanglewood Park last month.  The Stallion shot 13 strokes above his average and posted his worst scorecard since March 2002.  The statistical department delivered a note quickly to Creighton during the conference.  "The office tells me that Chris has played 48 rounds since his last 113", said Creighton.  "That is clearly enough to wear the dreadful Carl Spackler Outfit."

Chris Lashley has been averaging 15 strokes higher than Brandon Hunter.  As reporters looked for more detail, Don Creighton asked for everyone to sit down.  "Please sit.  This could take a minute."

A patient Creighton laid out the law of NOOG.  "First, these points are as accurate as player scorecards.  My office guarantees me that over 200 holes are considered before points are handed out."

Creighton, with his head behind the NOOG description continued, "For players with more than 12 rounds as Brandon and Chris do, the worst and best score of the 12 are eliminated.  That leaves 10 rounds of golf and 180 holes of data.  We compare that data with 230 different point combinations to best achieve 35 points."

Reading from the paper in front of him, "It says here that removing the double bogey will handicap Hunter with 32.5 points per round.  Taking away the double bogey and adding 3 for par will give Brandon an edge on the field at 36.8 points per round."

"Everyone should also understand that point combinations are unique to players shooting in the 70's and 80's."  Donny is referring to higher probability for a hacker to shoot a par than a bogey gofer to shoot a birdie.  "Players getting 2 for par will always get equal or more points for birdie than the average player.  It just needs to be that way to level the field and give the lower handicapped players a chance to win."

Donny Creighton finished up his press conference.  "All players really needs to listen up.  Brandon Hunter can shoot par on all 54 holes and score 108 points.  If that happens and he makes 20 long putts, he deserves to win the championship.  We both know that he must birdie to win.  One the other hand, Chris Lashley can shoot 18 double bogeys, 18 bogeys and 18 pars and score 126 points without long putt points.  It makes you wonder who really has the edge."