August 25, 2004

CINCINNATI, OH — The Real Stan, aka The Runt, has signed to play in next month's Golfapalooza at Alpine Lake.  The signing marks the 3rd of the 5 Kaniecki's, with at least one more expected.  "To have that much family around for a major tournament will be special.  But let's not confuse the mission - I'm coming for the whores and the porn", Stanley remarked.  "My fifth grade boys volleyball team will certainly miss my tutelage, but a weekend of golf, cornhole and beer-pong with Brent is simply too tempting.  Now if you'll kindly excuse me, I have to get back too wiping my wife's butt."

In related news, Mark Kaniecki is expected to sign for next month's GVIII within the next few weeks.  The Hammer, Jack Kaniecki, is not expected to attend due to the celebration of the 2 year anniversary of the 1st time he touched Emily's boobs.