January 26, 2005

CALIFORNIA, MD — Jason "Moose" Simmons has announced today that he will be the 2nd player and 2nd rookie to sign and represent Maryland in the 2005 Carl Spackler Open Championship, slated for June 9 in Barnesville, PA.  Naturally, a few Captains Club members accompanied Simmons to the press conference.

Simmons has a sketchy and unknown past as he signs during the eleventh-hour.  "Jason is a multi-talented player and we don't mean driving, chipping and putting," says Kevin Long, Jr..  "Jason's talents lie in drinking, poker-playing, and hunting.  Hailing from the great bourbon state of Kentucky, this Navy man spends his days repairing planes at Patuxent Naval Air Station, and spends his nights sleepless with twin babies."

Despite the responsibilities of home life, Moose still plays in poker tournaments quite regularly and even plays the occassional round on the base.  He signs as the front-runner to win the Casino Contest at this year's Open Championship.

Scott Mealey followed by reading a statment prepared by himself. "Mentally, Jason?s the weakest golfer I?ve ever seen. Just look at his picture on the website. His smile says, "If you suck at golf as badly as I do, expect the dreadful Carl Spackler Outfit to be worn by me."

Simmons has not submitted a scorecard to date.  This allows an unknown degree of hacking unaccounted for.  Rookies are required to submit two scorecards by May 1 and four scorecards by June 1.

The 2005 Carl Spackler Open begins in 133 days.  Moose signs as the 51th member of the field.