June 22, 2005

MAHANOY CITY, PA — Glenn Hoffert escaped the dreaded Carl Spackler Outfit on Saturday during when he scored par, bogey, bogey on Oak #9, Pine #1, and the very difficult Pine #2. Clearly his best stretch of play in the tournament. He scored 13 more points than Mike Herron to dig him out of the cellar.

"He looked very good in Al's Outfit," says a jealous Andy Cohen. "I would wear that Outfit to work if I looked that good. It was a great tribute to the late man." Glenn arrived to the tournament averaging 22 bogeys and 10 pars over 54 holes.  He finished with only 16 bogeys and only 5 pars in his 3rd major.

"I was not ready for this major championship," said a disappointed Hoffert. "I gave up the brewery tour to ensure I was ready, but it was a big mistake. I learned my lesson the hard way."

Hoffert's poor play granted him the 2005 Crapper Award for his terrible play. He finished 67th in a field of 68 players this year. He finished tied for 37th in a field of 48 players in 2004. He tied for 17th place in a field of only 32 players in 2003.

"I knew the tournament coordinators were not joking around when the Outfit was on my bed Saturday morning", says Glenn. "I knew that focus was required to gain some dignity from the group. The outfit surprisingly felt great. The crotch was a little tight, but the shirt was fantastic."

Hoffert dropped 15 strokes off Round 1 and Round 2 with his final round. He found a magical outfit. "The Outfit really allowed me to focus through 18 holes like never before," says Hoffert. "Everytime I looked at myself, I was reminded to stay with it and hang in there."

It is hard to believe that someone could play worse than Hoffert. "I feel sorry for Herron," says Glenn. "I really did not expect someone to play worse than me."