December 3, 2005

CLAYTON, NC — Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than to be selfish and worry about my liver.' --Jack Handey

Jack Handey is indeed a wise man.  In keeping with the promotion of beer worker dreams everywhere, the Carl Spackler Open is pleased to announce the procurement of not 1, not 2 but 3 Beverage Carts for the 2006 Open.  These carts will be filled to the brim with cold liquid pleasure to ensure the field remains hydrated.  

Over 2,200 drinks will be made available to the field over the course of 3 days.  That is approximately 245 beverages being served per cart per day.  That is approximately 50 beverages being served per hour per cart over the course of a round.  “I do not expect to hear a single person complain of thirst”, stated Kevin Long, Jr., Captains Club member in charge of beverage acquisition.  “If they do, they obviously have a medical condition that they need evaluated.”  

The carts will operate from the opening tee off to the completion of the tournament and will dedicate their services to the Carl Spackler Open field.  Tom McCauley was quoted, “Last year’s lack of beverage consumption on the course was a big complaint.  It was as if the cart girls hit the Bermuda Triangle.”  Coolers will not be needed in 2006 as the Beverage Carts will be continuously coming by the field’s carts stocking their palates with nourishing beverage that is sure to improve one’s confidence if not their game.

Don Creighton voiced his concern by stating, “The only problem I can foresee is Kevin Long having another issue with stains on his shorts but these ones will be in the front.  I hope his sponsor Gold Bond is there to save the day again.”  The carts will be stocked with a variety of beer, water and sports drinks.  Remember, the beverages will be there, it is every field member’s duty to ensure that some brewery employee’s kid will get that new bicycle for Christmas.  Plan on attending the 2006 Carl Spackler Open and plan on having a beverage.