TERRA ALTA, WV — Last night at 6:00 PM Eastern, the captains of the 2025 KGB Cup — Greg “Double G” Garrett of Team Loaded and Rick “Dosky” Dosky of Team Chafed — gathered in a dimly lit corner of Alpine Lake’s clubhouse to conduct the annual draft. The scene had all the intensity of an NFL War Room, except with more beer cans, fewer scouting reports, and a live feed from the kitchen showing when the wings were ready.

The strategy? Each captain swore they had one. The reality? Picks were made based on handicap data, gut instinct, and whether a guy still owed them a drink from last year. By the end, 16 men stood on each side — eight A players, eight B players — staring across the imaginary saloon floor, sizing up their first-day dance partners.

The Opening Lineup & Early Predictions

Match 1 – Fun Dan / Dosky (Chafed) vs. Monty / Garrett (Loaded)

The captains’ duel. Fun Dan is a steady A with solid handicap numbers; Dosky brings leadership and creative profanity. Monty is a sleeper pick with upside, while Garrett will try to hit it past the tree line without hitting an actual tree.

Edge: Dead even. Odds-makers are baffled.

Match 2 – Quack / Bro (Chafed) vs. Scoots / Beefy (Loaded)

Quack is dangerous if the putter heats up. Bro’s handicap says, “double bogey,” but his attitude says, “try me.” Scoots is consistent, Beefy can bomb it but has been seen practicing flop shots from the sand… of the parking lot.

Edge: Slight lean Loaded if Scoots stays hot.

Match 3 – Whitey / B-Dubs (Chafed) vs. Washington / Size-ten(Loaded)

Whitey is one of the lowest handicaps in the field, and B-Dubs is… not. Washington is a crafty A, Size-ten is a wild card B who could either shoot 39 or 59 on nine holes.

Edge: Toss-up with fireworks potential.

Match 4 – KGB/ Sensei (Chafed) vs. Boland / Sleepy (Loaded)

The Kaniecki family feud. Pat Boland could quietly be the MVP if his irons behave. This one might be decided at the bar after hole 18.

Edge: Whoever wins the Kaniecki vs. Kaniecki grudge match wins it all.

Match 5 – Honey / Spyderrrrrrrrrrr (Chafed) vs. Winthorp / Chef (Loaded)

Honey is steady in the A slot, Spyderrrrrrrrrrr’s short game is “suspiciously” good. Winthorp and Chef are grinders who can frustrate opponents just by never quitting.

Edge: Slight edge Chafed.

Match 6 – Kierner / Walt (Chafed) vs. Spanky / Killer (Loaded)

Kierner is underrated, Walt is due for a breakout. Spanky can roll the rock, Killer has a reputation for big putts and bigger celebrations. Expect some bold swings and maybe even bolder excuses.

Edge: Toss-up leaning Loaded. Match 7 – Randy / Padre (Chafed) vs. Bubba / DK (Loaded)

Randy and Padre bring a “slow and steady” vibe; Bubba and DK are streaky but dangerous

Edge: Lean Chafed if they avoid big numbers.

Match 8 – Colt45 Thomas / Shane Flanagan (Chafed) vs. JT Thomas / Butter (Loaded)

The family feud the fans didn’t know they needed — Fathers vs. Sons. Colt will try to prove Dad’s era is over, while JT wants to remind his boy who taught him the game. The Flanagans add another father-son wrinkle, likely to be settled with passive-aggressive comments in on the tee box at each hole.

Edge: Too close to call. If pride counted for strokes, this would be over before the turn.