August 20, 2020
KGB Cup Captains Announced
TERRA ALTA, WV — As he stepped to the podium, gingerly holding his freshly injured elbow, (something happened at the dojo that he had no comment on), Grant "Sensei" Kassap clearly had mixed emotions. "On one hand, as the winning KGB Cup Captain from 2019, I'm completely grateful to be standing here before you to announce the 2020 KGB Cup Captains; but at the same time I'm still pissed at Winthorp for drafting a team as last year's captain, bailing on the weekend, and making me sub in on short notice, and providing me no swag whatsoever to pimp out my adopted team like Captain Monte did. In the end, what mattered mattered and we emerged with the win."
Team Ice, captained by Winthorp and Sensei, cooled off Monte's Team Fire in the 2019 KGB Cup. "So without further ado I'd like to announce the Loozers who will have this year's Captains honor." ***Several reporters in the background: "GET ON 'ER, and STAY ON 'ER!!*** "This year's Captain's match up promises to provide the wise strategery of two of Golfapalooza's most seasoned veterans, combined with the potential for the most NSFW matchup marketing and swag. Tonight, the KGB Cup teams will be drafted by 2020 Captains Mark "Sleepy" Kaniecki and Bill "Sizeten" Szymonski."
Sizeten upon being reached for comment, in predictable form, noted "while I'm happy to be a captain, I already know my draft options will be limited because I'm not drafting any &$^%ing &^%$s, or anyone who might want to &$^% my &$^%." Sleepy's only comment was that "he may be a size ten, but I'm way bigger than that, hashtag longestkaniecki if ya know whaddimean, and we're coming for him."
Teams and pairings for the 2020 KGB Cup are expected to be announced next week.