Z, Mr. Donut, Boland Sign
March 5, 2008
PERU, IN — Marty Zabonik, an intriguing member, has qualified to play in the 2008 Carl Spackler Open Championship, according to Kevin Long, Jr., Vice President of Entertainment and member of the Captains Club. Pat Boland and senior member Bob Morris also qualified to compete in the 8th installment of the tournament.
Long made the announcement at the grand opening of the new, sprawling Virginia CSOC satellite office, where facilities were expanded in response to the high volume of player registration for Indiana.
Marty Zabonik signs with the lowest stroke handicap in the tournament. He filed his paperwork as the 45th player without forgetting to staple his +0.3 stroke handicap card to the front.
"I have added him to my list of prayers in late-May," said Long. "I say lots of prayers prior to June. I always pray there is enough beer and that some of our drinking heros remain alive to see another tournament."
Zabonik filed a written statement. "This is my 4th year in row attending the Spackler and improved every year," said Marty Z. "During my rookie year, I was young and stupid. I thought that my golf talents alone were good enough to win the tournament. I was extremely wrong and finished 55th. Since that rookie year, I have started training my golf with the alcohol consumption it takes to compete in the Spackler. Each year, I am getting closer.
In Raleigh, I was part of the drinking dream team foursome which included Pokey, Bateson, and Smootchie Ass. I showed that year that I could hang with the big boys and improved to 26th position.
Last year in Michigan, I was once again involved in the drinking dream team foursome and finished in 13th position. This clearly shows that my offseason training is beginning to pay off. I have kept to same routine now for 3 years, even though my wife does not like the added pounds that I have put on. I think this is the year that I could pull a shocker and win the thing!! My alcohol to golf ratio is perfect. I just need to maintain this level for the next 4 months."
In other news, Bob Morris, the 4-year member from Chicago, plans to take home his first Golden Jacket. "Mr. Donut" signs as the 46th player to the tournament field.
Morris returns after finally stepping up last year. Bob played to his ability for the first time in Championship History, shooting all 3 rounds in the 80's.
Morris enters the 2008 Open with new goals, the first of which is winning the 4-man scramble which eluded his team last year. "I am finally seeing the benefit of on course alcohol consumption," said the typically sober Morris.
Mr. Donut might be best known for his consistency on the course, but this year hopes to be a little more daring and play for points rather than score. When asked about his ideal playing partners, Morris said, "I really enjoy playing with Matt Boland and Tim Davis, as well as my brother's brother in law, Eric '5 Iron' Sherriffs." I just think my game could improve tremendously if I wasn't spending 80% of my time in the woods looking for Boland's or Davis' tee shot".
Morris usually likes to "name drop" some of the courses he gets to play.......for example, Pinehurst, Bethpage Black, PGA West to name a few, but this year work seems to be keeping him on the go. Perhaps he'll get a round in at Augusta as a warm up for the Carl Spackler Open.
"My course notes are half done," says Morris of his preparations. "Rock Hollow appears to be another great test for the Carl Spackler Open. I generally shoot birdies and triple bogeys. The handicap structure gives me a great chance to win."
Kevin Long, Jr. replied, "I must be wasted again. Did he just say win? He has placed terrible almost every year. There are 4 senior members worse than him on the career list with 35 attending. Bob Morris needs to crack the Top 20 and then come talk to me."
In other news, Pat Boland, the 5-year member from St. Louis, plans to complete his first golf tournament in the state of Indiana. He signs as the 47th player to the tournament field. Pat Boland contrasts Bob as the 3rd best player in Spackler history behind Trent Cooper and Jason Ridgeway. Boland has 855.20 points and just 42 points from Cooper.
"Pat has been one of our strongest players," said Long of Boland. "A well thought out master of the game who sets plans and goals and works to achieve them. He has done well never placing worse than 23rd."
The return of Pat Boland comes with the Red Tee Lottery. Boland reportedly plans to release Red Tee Lottery information in the coming weeks.
The 2008 Carl Spackler Open Championship begins on June 5 with the mandatory player meeting at 8:30AM EST inside the Rock Hollow clubhouse. The practice range will open for a couple of hours starting at 9:30AM EST.