August 15, 2010

POWELL, OH — When it comes to bringing rookies for Golfapalooza, no one comes close to matching the count of Brian “Butter” Flanagan. Whether it’s co-workers like Elvis, Slick, Double G or Randy; relatives like Kid Rock or McFarland; or complete strangers like Max, none of these categories have come close to matching Butter’s ability to recruit the area right outside his front door.

Butter first started recruiting the ‘hood for GII when Greg Davis and Sean Shay made the trek to Twin Falls with him. Both returned for GIII, but then a three-year drought ensued with no neighbors. Little did Loozer Nation know that would grow out of the drought was something unprecedented in the history of G events.

GVII marked the resurgence of Flanagan’s recruiting efforts with two rookies: Darin Cross and Brett “Bro” Lyme. A lot of  Loozers are asking themselves right now: who is Darin Cross? Three words can describe him – one and done. Golfapalooza lore has it that Cross was so jealous that Bro won rookie of the year instead of him he refused to return. As for Bro? It looks like the executive committee made the right decision. I’m not sayin’, I’m just sayin’.

GVIII added two more rookies from the ranks of the Meyers Cove Court and Glenmore Drive region of Powell, OH – Bill Bateson and Eric “Melick” Melick. Bateson, a long-time Carl Spackler Open participant, found it too difficult to attend multiple major tournaments given that he is out of the office a lot for his job with Nationwide Insurance. Melick took the rookie of the year trophy back to the neighbors for the second straight year thanks to his mastery of the grill. Melick has relegated himself to part-time Loozer status, unable to handle the physical toll that a G event inflicts on its participants.

Flanagan continued to add rookies for GIX with the addition of Peter Minardi, a man of few words and fewer facial expressions. Minardi returned for GXI, but life has gotten in the way of his returning since. Also attending GXI was rookie Eric “Sully” Sullivan, who showed up with some cool Heineken apparel to share with fellow attendees. Sully then became a youth football coach and attempted to recruit Butter for his staff. When Butter found out Sully wanted him to be around the week of G, he said no thanks.

Butter hit a minor dry spell for GXII and GXIII, failing to successfully draw any other neighbors into the fold. Like any good recruiter, Flanagan refused to take no for an answer and has added rookie Ken Pagett as one of four rookies at press time for GXIV. How close of a neighbor is Pagett? Google Maps says it’s right across the cul-de-sac.

What kind of rookie will Pagett be? Is he going to be like Cross, who storms off never to be seen again if Digger, Munk, or Pannullo takes home the rookie title? Will he be a solid contributor like Melick, ruling the cornhole boards and helping out Chef at the grill? Dare we say he could be the second coming of Bro? We’ll know in about five weeks.