March 7, 2011

ROME, NY — The Carl Spackler Open registration period is over with lots of new faces. The Captains Club announced today the official signing of Mark Vacca to play golf in Barnesville, PA this June. The 9 stroke handicap will bring his talents to the mountains.

"It is great that Vacca is taking my advice and attending the Carl Spackler Open," says referral Matt Mogel. "It is much easier to go with him than to kidnap him at gunpoint and force him to participate."

Vacca is a Wall Street guru that reportedly hits a ball higher than Virginia's Jay Glover. "My ball is pretty long," says Vacca. "I am the kinda player that launches a ball instead of just hitting it. [pause] By the way, it would be appreciated if the guys would get their fill on the practice range to eliminate as much staring during my tournament rounds."

Vacca is allergic to beer. "This 4-day party should be a blast," says Vacca. "I actually weigh 170 pounds, but almost always look a little swollen from the 12-pack consumed. You might not recognize me at breakfast."  

Vacca was diagnosed with "Fatty Mac Fat Disease" in college. The disease, which some consider serious, is where veins and lymph vessels do not manage a volume of fluids, which come into the body. Another term even exists called "beer heart", which is outstretched walls of the heart, weaker muscles, bigger volume, and lower pump capacity.

Lots of people retain water after consuming certain foods or drinks. It’s called an ‘idiosyncratic reaction’. Basically the body produces more histamine when these foods are consumed, and this creates a swelling.

Beer has more yeast in it than other kinds of alcoholic drink, so it’s possible you are reacting to the yeast. It’s likely that other foods containing yeast are also unsafe foods for you, though their effects may not be so noticeable.

"A swollen Vacca," says an intrigued Scott Miller. "I was wondering why I was so plump at Spackler each year."

Mark is never short for a joke although most are always right on the cusp of being just plain wrong.  Mark is considering bringing a caddy to the tournament, but not just any caddy he is courting Tony D'Annunzio.

The 2011 Carl Spackler Open will be held at Mountain Valley Golf Course starting on June 9. The participant option process began on March 1 and continues through March 31.