March 10, 2011

POWELL, OH — The Carl Spackler Open Championship is a 54-hole amateur golf tournament with an annual field of players reaching 92 in its 11th year. One of its fresh rookies is Ernie Valz. What was thought as impossible is no longer. Valz has agreed on a simple 1-year deal with the Open.

The Captains Club made the announcement on Sunday before closing their office doors for the day. "The rumors are true. The long-awaited Valz has signed a one-year deal encompassing a daily two beer limit or be disqualified," said a happy Tim Davis of Los Angeles. "Its a no-brainer that this talent from Ohio would be acquired through such tactics. The deal ensures Valz and referral Mark Wray remain at the bottom of the Leaderboard."

Valz feeds off alcohol consumpion says multiple reports out of central Ohio.

"The Ohioian is defenseless on a golf course without alcohol," says Tim Davis. "It is my understanding that Ernie lacks the mental toughness to get it done without alcohol. A few poor shots and he moves into club throwing, which begins a larger spiral downward."

Valz is a rumored to be a mid-80's golfer with lots of ability. The question always remains of whether your average rookie can handle the pressures of a Major Championship.

"I see an outfit or two in his future," says Tim Davis. "Taking beer out of his hands is like taking candy from a baby. I think the present contract is good for almost everyone participating."

Ernie Valz is expected to be 1 of 23 rookies for this year's 54-hole golf tournament. There are 92 participants expected for the 11th annual birthday party in Barnesville, PA. There are a little more than 2 weeks to complete participant options online.