April 18, 2011

WASHINGTON, DC — The Carl Spackler Open added a talented performer with the signing of Jim Brewster of Washington, DC to letter of intent. Jim will join the men's golf program that has been on the brink of greatness and record-size once again. Brewster is part of the 25 rookies signed to play in the Open.

Kevin Long, Jr. joined his rookie to his rookie press conference.

"We are thrilled that Jim has decided to make the quick drive to Barnesville," said Kevin Long, Jr.. "The former Navy Seal really strengthens the tournament field and replaces Erik Shirreffs as Director of Event Security."

"Hopefully I will not let everyone down as the temporary Security Director," said Brewster of his new role. "I will have to remain focused through alcohol consumption and not pass out behind the bushes at Mountain Valley. I believe the Half-Amazing part of my character will keep things in check."

[Brewster pauses and then raises his finger.]

"Oh. And by the way... I am not driving," said Brewster. "I plan to mail my golf clubs and ride my bike to Barnesville. I was thinking about running the Appalachian Trail from Front Royal to Pottsville, but decided to ride my bike instead."

Trent Cooper, who decided to attend the Brewster press conference asked, "Are you crazy? Do you not understand the demands this 96-hour party can take on a body?"

Brewster replied, "I wanna say something. [pause] I'm gonna put it out there; if you like it, you can take it, if you don't, send it right back."

Cooper says, "Shoot!"

Brewster replies, "I don't know how to put this, but I'm kind of a big deal. I am Half-Man Half-Amazing. This body has been through more than John Rambo."

Cooper laughs and replies, "I am going to send it back. That is exactly what Dave Nickles told me when he started coming to Spackler. What a joke!"

"The Warrior Dash is being held 15 miles from Barnesville on June 12," said Brewster. "Do you want to skip the 4-man Scramble and join me Mr. Cooper?"

Cooper replies with disgust, "Truce."

Brewster joins the tournament field with a very unimpressive +53 stroke handicap. His point handicap analysis was presented on a slide for everyone. It included 3 points for triple-bogey, 5 point for double-bogey, 7 points for bogey, and 10 points for par.

"I am not sure 7 points will be enough for bogey," said Brewster of his golf skills. "But then again, I am not much of a complainer."

Cooper asked, "Do you play golf with more than a 5-iron and putter?" Brewster replied, "Of course. I am not an idiot. I never allow a weapon to go unused. Why do you ask?"

Cooper replies, "No reason. Just wondering."

Brewster asks, "That is a nice shirt you have on there. Is that pink?" Cooper rolls his eyes and replies, "Rookies. [pause] No. The color is salmon."

Jim Brewster will be the first player to represent the District of Columbia. The Half-man Half-Amazing person is also the first professional basketball player to play golf in a national golf championship.

The 2011 Carl Spackler Open will be held at Mountain Valley Golf Course starting June 9. There are 93 golfers expected to participate in the 11th annual birthday party.