May 11, 2011

VIRGINIA BEACH, VA — The Captains Club proudly announced the signing of their best rookie, in respects to golf, to a national letter of intent. Mike Kreer, who is also half dog, has firm plans to play golf at the 2011 Carl Spackler Open without an appearance fee.

"We are excited that Mike has decided to attend our national golf event," says fellow Virginian Kevin Long, Jr.. "Mike should be a great fit into our field of players and front runner to win the dog bowl (Kitchen Pass Award) this year regardless of kitchen pass allocation.

That reminds me... It is best to let him smell you on the first tee box and get comfortable. Fearful golfers could be chased or even bitten."

The Captains Club is impressed with his +5.41 stroke handicap, which easily grants him "A" status on the tee box. The mog, half-man half-dog, is clearly the best dog in tournament history. It is amazing such a mammal can beat 90% of the tournament field straight up. The Captains Club sees great things coming to Mountain Valley this June.

The mog is a twin, however the twin is half-cat half-human. "My brother is a pussy," says Kreer of his twin. "He really got screwed at birth."

Kreer is a retired Navy Master Chief. He will join Jim Brewster in the absence of Erik Shirreffs as temporary Director of Security for the golf tournament.

"It is an honor and a privilege to be invited to a tournament with as much prestige and with one that carries such an incredibly talented field as this one," said Kreer in a written statement. "I am really looking forward to the challenge of playing in a major tournament, and to be truthful, this is my favorite of all the majors. It would mean something special to me to play well in it."

Kreer changed his tone and barked, "I heard Pat Boland gambles quite a bit. I heard he bets on everything on and off the course. Looking forward to fetching some money from his wallet."

Jason Watson, Vice President of Awards, has supplied the Kitchen Pass Award to the Comfort Inn so Alpo can be served appropriately in the back corner of the breakfast area each morning.

Mike averages 7 pars and 1 birdie per round. He is expected to receive 2 points for bogey, 3 points for par, and 8 points for birdie.

The 2011 Carl Spackler Open will be held at Mountain Valley Golf Course in Barnesville, PA. There are numerous reports that Mike Kreer will be led out to the practice range on Thurday morning for his first appearance using a leash.