June 14, 2007

JACKSON, MI — In today's society, self-destructive behavior has become the norm. Everyday, people are confronted with negative forces, which destroy the very essence of self and life. Color, hair, clothes, teeth, and fingernails are just a few of the self-destructive aspects preventing most people from being a pretty boy. Trent Cooper, a.k.a. Coop, wrote the book on being pretty.

His motto, "To establish and maintain perfection at all times". His favorite line, "It is not pink. It is salmon." To most, Cooper may appear to be fictional or an inconceivable character, but I assure you, he is real and so is his pinkish salmon colors. While he sounds normal, he possesses distinct characteristics that make him the gayest heterosexual in America. Trent Cooper, my friend, is the definition of a pretty boy.

Pretty means pleasing or attractive in a graceful or gay way; pleasing to eye for both men and women. Pretty boys are masters of "self". That means through themselves they have identified and manifested the true self and purpose for living. Cooper has come to this level of consciousness and walks totally reliant on the direction and wisdom of himself.

Last week in Michigan, Trent Cooper was Spackler's Pretty Boy for a record third-straight year. He defined self and embodied salmon like a cowboy embodies wrangler jeans. He dawned the highest quality moisture wicking performance apparel money could buy. He played the Grande with very long drives off the tee and returned with bogey golf.

The Captains Club has taken note and with the help of Jean Dore and Dave Nickles will institute the Trent Cooper Award starting next year. The winner might be determined by Trent and will reward the participant who best represents himself as a pretty boy.

"I am looking forward to the challenge," said Jean Dore at the Super 8 Motel on Saturday night. "Cooper is such a jackass. This should be a great addition to the tournament awards presentation. Did I mention that Cooper is a jackass?"

Dore and Nickles have exactly 355 days to return with the Trent Cooper Award. The first award in Spackler history to be named after someone from the tournament field.

"The Pretty Boy Award would not be enough," says Dave Nickles. "We will be looking for an award that best represents a gay heterosexual like Cooper. Someone that can look good while popping off the trophy head from the Webb Award in front of 65 peers. Someone that can make pink turn into salmon with a smile."

Trent Cooper finished in third position at the 2007 Carl Spackler Open Championship with 179 points. Cooper won the Webb Award (best player in Spackler history) and Golden Rod Award (best putter in Spackler history). He also won the Trent Cooper Award by a landslide.