May 2, 2001

MYRTLE BEACH, SC — A nationwide clothing hunt for my Al Cervic Outfit has begun.  Please be on a watchout for several pairs of my red checkered pants for the 2002 Carl Spackler Open Championship.

I am looking for several pants for the tall(T.), fat(Myers), short(Dill), skinny(OlaFowble), and the muscular(Blackie).  We are looking for sizes between 34 and 40 inch waist and 30 to 36 inch length.

It is important that everyone as a collective group look for these pants over the next nine months at third hand stores or wherever you can help me.

The player in last place going into the last day of golf will be awarded by wearing my outfit during the final day of golf.

This award is given to show what form of ridicule lies ahead should this hacker not take Cervic-like action and gain his composure much like a man must do when his wife scolds him like a child after spending an evening out with his friends.