December 17, 2009

DELAWARE, OH — Super Dave is supposedly an "accomplished" stuntman. His signature is to perform outrageous daredevil stunts which invariably go awry and result in his grievous injury. His rookie tournament in Michigan ended in grievious injury to his scorecards. It may or may not be more of the same as Super Dave signs to play golf at his fourth straight major championship in southern Texas.

"I decided to get back to basics with my game after an extremely disappointing showing at my rookie event," said Osborne in a written statement. "I was extremely close to getting the Carl Spackler Outfit in Michigan, which scared the bejesus out of me."

Super Dave finished in 58th position with a tournament field of 62 participants. The 13 stroke handicap broke 50 strokes three times during his 8 nine-hole opportunities in Michigan.

Dave added, "In order for me to compete at the Spackler tour level, I need to do a couple of things before the tournament in April: Practice drinking, get longer off the tee, learn how to lag putts, and develop a low stinger that cuts through the Mexican breeze. After watching the Spackler tour pros, I must learn more about scoring on this tour."

In other news, another dose of Dave has entered the Texas tournament field. Dave Lauerhass also signs to play golf in his 4th major championship.

"This being my 4th Spackler, I feel that I am ready to stay on the leaderboard past the first day," said Lauerhass in a joint written statement. "I felt it would not be in good favor to win the tournament as a newbee. I do consider myself a scoring machine. A machine that melts the butter of Brian Flanagan."

Osborne and Lauerhass capitalized on Southwest's $74.00 fare from Columbus, OH to Houston, TX. "The fare was pretty cheap, " said Osborne of his ticket purchase. "We have not yet finished the job, but do have a round trip flights to Houston, Texas for $188.90. Dave and I are expecting to grab another round trip ticket this winter from Houston, TX to Harlingen, TX for $79 with taxes and fees. Anything around $250 would be considered a bargain."

The 2010 Carl Spackler Open Championship begins play at South Padre Island Golf Club on April 15 with the annual practice round. All golfers are expected to arrive by Wednesday evening or Thursday morning. Osborne and Lauerhass are the 8th and 9th players to register.