September 18, 2002

WATERLOO, IL — First-year rookie, Patrick "Hurricane" Boland, has officially signed for next week's Golfapalooza VI at Alpine Lake.  It has long been rumored that Pat would attend, but Hurricane's sponsors, Mountain Dew, would not allow an official press release until his check cleared the bank.  Pat's physical skills alone could place him atop the Leaderboard for a day or two, but it will remain to be seen whether or not he can stand up to the mental stress of playing at a Golfapalooza.  Even Founding Father Patch has some doubts, "I've played dozens of rounds with Patrick, and I'm not sure he has ever faced the amount of pressure on the golf course that he will on the #1 tee box and the #18 green.  Without question, they are the two most difficult shots in golf."

When the "Hurricane" first inquired about an invite to Golfapalooza, it was difficult to remain serious.  As recently as August, skeptics were frequent.  However, if his check cleared the bank successfully, then we passed a major milestone.

Although the anticipation for the arrival of the "Hurricane" may pale in comparison to that of Michael Carin three years ago, it is still a topic of conversation.  Even GStan himself shared some anxiety, "Anyone who loves golf, gambling and golf gambling enough to risk a marriage for it, then he's Golfapalooza material.  If his golf game is at all decent, he could be the favorite for Rookie-of-the-Year honors."

Other memebers have not been so embracing.  "I don't give a damn...I'm kicking his ass and taking his money," boasted Spanky.

Some rookies are worried about the increased level of competition.  "I've played with him in St. Louis before and as long as he has Mountain Dew and fresh pack of cigarettes, he can play with the best of them," said Real Stan, a.k.a. the Runt.

If there is a weakness in his game, it could be on the greens.  "Now I understand that not all of us can one-putt from anywhere on the green like Brent, but I have witenessed a three-putt from 10 feet on more than one occasion from Mr. Boland," commented former Green Jacket winner Hammer.

With Wednesday's Practice Rounds less than a week away, the loop has been spinning with activity.  Let's hope the golfgame(s) are not of the same quality as the some of the quick-witted responses in the loop.  No word on "Rich from Boston" yet.........F%$#@!.